A simple act of stillness

Sit still. How many times have we heard that, have we said that? How many times do we actually do that? In the wake of dealing with side effects from Yervoy treatment (bi-lateral inflammation), and despite the benefits and drawbacks of steroids to counteract the inflammation, stillness is the one remedy that has proven to be most effective – with the least side effects. One wouldn’t think it would be so hard to sit still.

The simple act itself, sitting without motion (or in my case laying without motion), isn’t as difficult as justifying sitting with no productivity, when a million tasks beckon to be completed. It’s a nasty social web we weave, when our whole being seems to circle around accomplishing as much as possible, in as little time as necessary. Yet, when one more treatment, possibly life-saving treatment, swings in the balance, it tilts the scale more in favor of sitting, despite inner voices that shout otherwise.

When you’ve spent a good portion of your life going full-throttle, it’s a challenge to ease off the gas, let alone slam your chassis into park. Every vehicle needs to run a certain amount so it continues to function efficiently and effectively. I’m trying to calculate that amount on a daily basis.

One day of the proper amount of stillness revs my engines, thinking of all I can accomplish now that I’m feeling better. Until I stomp on the gas and realize that wasn’t such a great idea.

Then I sit, and the blessed feeling of relief sweeping over me at that moment, forces me to try and come to terms with many things. How can stillness continue to make you feel useful? How can stillness help you reach fulfillment? How can stillness fuel your passion? How can stillness make you feel alive?

The answer lies in the rejuvenating power, no matter how brief, that accompanies that simple act of stillness. I’m hopeful that sitting still will produce more long-term benefits as I work past the aggravation of bi-lateral inflammation, secure that last dose of Yervoy, and head down the road to no recurrence of melanoma. Until then, I’m trying hard to stay still.


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